The Beginning of a New Era II: The Sequel
by TheMBC
Summary: Genres: Drama, Humor, and General. This is the second part to my first FRIENDS story: The Beginning of a New Era. Please enjoy it.
1. La Fille française & El Infacto

**Big News!  
**Our FRIENDS are returning to television for four one-hour episodes, coming in 2007. Read more of it at my FRIENDS fan site: Note: Okay, you may have read the little "preview" in the last chapter of the 1st part, well… just to tell you… it doesn't start out that way in this chapter. Well, please enjoy the story anyways. Btw, all my other fanfics are on hiatus at the moment… I'm really into this one. I really love _The Beginning of a New Era_ because, I don't know… I JUST DO! Oh, and sorry for any mistakes.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bright Kauffman Crane Productions, or Warner Bros. Domestic Television, or NBC, or any of the characters… except Gladys. I do however own this title and this plot. Thank you for reading.

The Beginning of a New Era, The Sequel

Joey and Gladys were hanging out in there apartment… as they heard something outside.

"What's that?" Joey asked Gladys.

"As if _I_ know! I've been with you the whole time!"

Joey put a smirk on his face and headed for the door. When he opened it he found a French 30-something moving into Monica and Chandler's old place.

"Hello, I was, uh, moving in next door… and was wondering if a strong man could help me with some stuff? Like, eh, you?"

"Yeah. How _you_ doin'?" Joey asked.

"Good. You?" The French girl flirted back.

"He's doing fine… and he's having loads of fun with his fiancée!" Gladys told her as she slammed the door in her face. "…and you! I am ashamed of you!" Gladys walked away and slamed the door behind her.

"No, I was just pretending-playin' around! Oh, c'mon… Gladys!"

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way  
__**CLAP**  
__Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love-life's D. O. A.!  
__It's like you're always stuck in second gear…  
__When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year,  
__But…  
__I'll be there for you  
__When the rain starts to pour.  
__I'll be there for you  
__Like I've been there before.  
__I'll be there for you  
_'_Cause you're there for me too._

Ross walked into his apartment with a ring around his left hand's finger; it shone, even in the dim light. He stopped in his tracks as he saw his wife already there sitting on the couch… her eyes watery as if something terrible had happened. He discovered her face, fair-skinned, dirty blonde, unattainable… and somehow he had ended up with her. He sat next to her without saying a word and wrapped his hand around hers. He kissed grazed her face, pushed her hair back, and looked into her beautiful green eyes and with this he coughed-up a word.

"Honey?" He asked in a simple tone. Nothing major, no sounds… just that. She looked up at him and starred for a few moments as if he had said nothing. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" Ross asked again. In attempt to find out what was wrong with her.

"It's my dad." Rachel said faintly and yet so profoundly. "My dad – heart attack." Rachel could hardly get the words out of her mouth.

"Again?" Ross asked.

"Yeah. Yes." Rachel's eyes began to run with water as she could hardly explain what had happened. "It's just that, my father… he's really-really-really not well this time. He c-c-c-could…"

"'Could…' what, Rach?"

"He could probably pass away this time. I need to go down there. I really do."

"Yeah, yes, of course! I'll go with you!" Ross told her with a very calm tone.

**MONICA & CHANDLER'S PLACE**

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm going insane!" Monica told her husband as she tried to put on the twins' pampers.

"Yeah, I think they're against us…" Chandler told Monica as he let Jack down from the crib. Jack began running all around the place and Monica and Chandler's face expressions where everything but happy.

"I still can't believe they're walking! They're only a year-and-a-half old!" Monica ended the statement with a heavy sigh.

"God! I need a vacation!" Chandler screamed at the top of his lungs, because the twins were being too loud. "Wait, a vacation! Oh, that's a great idea."

"What?" Monica asked.

"We should go on vacation! No! A second honeymoon! We should go on a second honeymoon! I mean, it's been four years since we've been on one. What d'you say?"

Monica seemed pleased with the idea, but or grin turned into a frown rather quickly… "Who's gonna take care of the kids?" She asked with disappointment.

"Damn kids!" Chandler yelled.

"Hey? Those are our children!" Monica disciplined.

The twins began to yell bloody murder…

"Oh, never mind… DAMN KIDS!"

**JOEY & PHOEBE MEET AT THE COFFEE HOUSE**

"Hey Pheebs…" Joey greeted his beloved friend casually.

"What's up Joey?"

"Oh, there's this cute French girl moving into Monica and Chandler's old place and-"

"What?" Phoebe yelled, "You can't do anything Joey! You know that, right? I mean, you're engaged to Gladys. The 'love of your live' according to you. Okay?"

"Yeah, I know… it's just that…"

"No! You can't even kiss her! No!"

"You kissed David while going out with Mike, hell the same day you guys exchanged keys!"

Phoebe felt a little embarrassed. "Yeah, well… yeah, well…" she stuttered, "This isn't about me! It's about you. So don't do anything to jeopardize what you have with Gladys, okay. This is the first person you actually went out with. You're engaged! YOU! I mean, she got you to settle down. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yeah…"

"Then, don't do anything."

"I guess you're right. So, where are the twins… and Mike?" Joey asked as he spotted the baby-bag.

"Oh, my Gods! I left Mike with the twins… at… OH GODS!" Phoebe said as she ran out of Central Perk.

**AT THE HOSPITAL, WITH ROSS & RACHEL**

Rachel sat impatiently, waiting for the doctor. As soon as he came out, she jumped up and waited for him to say something.

"Dr, Dr, what-what-what… My Father!"

"Yes, Ms. Greene…"

"_Mrs._ Greene."

"Oh, _Mrs._ Greene, um… Your father."

"Yeah?" Rachel asked. Ross stood up at this moment and began to hold Rachel's hands.

"Mrs. Greene, your father has…"

Rachel listened intently.

"He has…"

_Executive Producers_

_Kevin S. Bright_

_Marta Kauffman_

_David Crane_

**ORIGINAL THEME SONG & CREDITS**

_BRIGHT_

_KAUFFMAN_

_CRANE_

_PRODUCTIONS_


	2. Having Parents & Being Parents

**Big News! II**

No, I in fact am not SURE. It's also there! Apparently, Jennifer Aniston was the last one to be agreed to it, because she didn't want to return to that life. I've posted the article here, if you want to read it.

'**FRIENDS' Returns To Television – And a Possible Sitcom with LeBlanc, Perry, & Schwimmer!**

Seminal sitcom _Friends_ is returning to television after each of its six stars agreed multi-million dollar deals to star in four one-hour specials.

In a secret meeting before Christmas, Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, David Schwimmer, and Matthew Perry reportedly agreed a $5 million apiece deal with NBC bosses in Los Angeles.

Scriptwriters have already started penning lines for the four double episodes, which are due to air next year.

Aniston, who has filmed a string of movies since the final _Friends_ episode, was the last to agree to the new deal.

An NBC insider says, "She's the one who had been holding out. But she's now agreed to reprise Rachel (Green).

"Bringing them back is a dream come true. Ratings will go through the roof."

Network bosses have also hinted at a second spin-off of the hit comedy, following the disappointing performance of Matt LeBlanc's show _Joey_. The new program will see the three male stars-Perry, Schwimmer, and LeBlanc-pilot a series called _It's A Guy Thing_.

An NBC spokesperson confirms, "Negotiations on future projects are going on all the time."

_Article Copyright World Entertainment News Network All Rights Reserved._

The Beginning of a New Era II: The Sequel

"Okay, I've already talked to my mom, she's gonna take care of the children next weekend… meaning we can take that second honeymoon you were talking about." Monica told Chandler.

"Great! That's perfect… umm… I was thinking about a cruise!"

"Yeah, a cruise! Sure… why don't we do that? Y'know instead of a nice hotel, with an ocean-view, and just the two of us… always naked, we won't even need to bring clothing. As opposed to loud people everywhere," Monica had a seductive tone, "what d'you think?"

"Like that, huh?"

"Mm-hmm."

Chandler pushed Monica away briskly, "Lemme make some calls, QUICK!"

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way  
**CLAP**  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love-life's D. O. A.!  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear…  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year,  
But…  
I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you  
_'_Cause you're there for me too._

**AT THE HOSPITAL, WITH ROSS & RACHEL  
**Rachel sat impatiently, waiting for the doctor. As soon as he came out, she jumped up and waited for him to say something.

"Dr, Dr, what-what-what… My Father!"

"Yes, Ms. Greene…"

"_Mrs._ Greene."

"Oh, _Mrs._ Greene, um… Your father."

"Yeah?" Rachel asked. Ross stood up at this moment and began to hold Rachel's hands.

"Mrs. Greene, your father has…"

Rachel listened intently.

"He has nothing really… but he's heavily, and profoundly, sedated and we're not sure when he'll get up."

"Are you saying my father is in a coma?" Rachel asked with concern.

"Well not technically… he's just not going to be up for a while…"

"He's in a coma then." Ross was also confused.

"No… he's just heavi-"

"STOP THAT! I can't believe Daddy is in a coma." Rachel said devastated.

**PHOEBE & MIKE – CENTRAL PERK**  
"Look Mike, I'm sorry I left you with Sophie and Mike Jr. I left you… oh, my Gods… I left my own children alone!"

"Thank you."

"No, honey, I didn't mean that you're not a good mother, it's just that _I'm_ not a good mother."

"Father."

"No, I'm a mother!"

"Yeah, but you said 'you're not a good _mother_' and it's supposed to be father."

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Never mind. Look, sweetie… you're a great mother. Okay. Don't think…"

"What if you weren't around, I would've left them alone… and oh. Man…" Phoebe began to get a little teary.

"Sweetie, Phoebe, you're not a horrible mother! You just neglected your children, and forgot about them and – I'm not helping am I?"

**End**

**Author's Note: **Yeah, not the best chapter, lol.


	3. Rosschel & Mondler

The Beginning of a New Era II: The Sequel

Rachel walked into her Manhattan home breathlessly, collapsing on the couch. Her eyes were watery, as much as they could be. She probably dried up all the tear water she could. Thoughts of not having her father arose in her head and she just grew sadder.

She sighed; the hard part was coming up: She'd have to tell her family about daddy. The fact that he had _another_ heart attack, that he grew heavily into a coma, that they don't know when he'll wake up.

She reached for the phone as her husband came in. "What are you doing?" he asked. She loved him for that. He was always so concerned for himself and other people. She just needed someone right now, just like last time. She didn't say a word; she walked up to him and kissed him; and threw him onto the couch. After a second, he fell onto the couch. She didn't pick him up; she laid on top of him and kissed him again.

After they had finished they used the bottom of the couch for back support. "Wow, that was _hot_." Ross said. Rachel chuckled and nodded faintly. A second later the phone rang. Ross picked it up.

"Hello?" Ross asked.

"_Hi._" Came a dreary voice from the other line.

"Who's this?"

"_I live across the street from your building._"

"How'd you get this number?"

"_Well, you have a sticker outside your window that says: I'm a Ross-osaurous! So, I looked you up in the book. Costume made, huh?_"

"Yeah. But, why'd you call me?"

"_Oh! I just wanted to say…thanks for the live show! Very hot. I did some stuff I couldn't accomplish with dirty movies._"

Ross hung up; his jaw dropped. "What happened?" Rachel asked.

"We were a 'Live Show'." Ross tolled her as he closed the curtains.

"What? Oh, my God! You mean people saw _us_!"

"Yeah."

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way  
**CLAP**  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love-life's D. O. A.!  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear…  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year,  
But…  
I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you  
_'_Cause you're there for me too._

Monica and Chandler were on there way to the Bahamas. They had gone there for their _actual_ honeymoon. They liked it there. As they walked into the lobby they noticed all the shininess and cleanliness.

"Oh, I'm gonna like it here." Monica said. Chandler laughed and walked to get their room key.

They walked to the elevator, to the thirteenth floor. "13D: Here it is!" Chandler said ecstatically. He opened the door as the door across from them opened to.

Out from behind them came a nasal voice: "Oh. My. God!" Chandler's eyes widened and dilated.

"Damn! I KNEW THE 13TH FLOOR WAS BAD LUCK!"

**a/n: Hoping the next chapter will be a lot of fun? Me too!**


	4. Ross & Rachel Part I

The Beginning of a New Era II: The Sequel

**A Special Season Twelve Clip Episode: How Ross & Rachel became to be!**

Monica and Chandler were at a restaurant at the hotel sitting in front of their worse nightmare: Janice. Monica's ear drums were about to pop with the sound of Janice's annoying and nasal voice.

"…so that's how I met my new husband! HAHHAAHHAAHHAA! But, anyway…tell me about everything. I haven't seen you two in such a long time, let alone all the others. And Ross, that _one_ night. Haahaaaaa! Is he seeing anybody?" Janice asked.

"Well, Rachel." Chandler replied.

"I thought they broke up."

"Yeah, but they got back together, actually they're married!"

"Oh, my God! You've got to tell me everything. I haven't even heard how they got together!"

"Well," Monica began, "We don't want to bore you with all that now. I'm sure you're husband—"

"Nonsense! I've got time. Tell me it all!" Janice replied.

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way  
**CLAP**  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love-life's D. O. A.!  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear…  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year,  
But…  
I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you  
_'_Cause you're there for me too._

"Well, okay… it all started when people began to notice he loved her."

--

**Rachel:** I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.

**Ross:** Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.

**Rachel:** There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.

**Ross:** Come on.

**Rachel:** No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.

**Ross:** (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?

**Rachel:** I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...

**Ross:** Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.

**Rachel:** Yeah right.

**Ross:** It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.

**Rachel:** (sigh) OK.

**Ross:** But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.

**Rachel:** You don't.

**Ross:** Uh-uh. See, I see... big passion in your future.

**Rachel:** Really?

**Ross:** Mmmm.

**Rachel:** You do?

**Ross:** I do.

**Rachel:** Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his head and gets up)

(Ross gets up, pleased with himself.)

**Joey:** It's never gonna happen.

**Ross:** (innocently) What?

**Joey:** You and Rachel.

**Ross:** (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?

--

"Oh God, so what happened?" Janice was getting a little interested.

"Well, eventually, it kind of slipped out…" Chandler told her.

"HOW?" Janice asked.

"Um…"

"Chandler said it!" Monica told her.

--

(Rachel picks up the next gift.)

**Rachel:** Who's this from?

**Chandler:** Oh, that's Ross's.

**Rachel:** Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.

**Phoebe:** Remembered what?

**Rachel:** It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!

**Chandler:** Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his _Travel Scrabble_ game)

**Phoebe:** Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.

**Monica:** I can't believe he did this.

**Chandler:** Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?

(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.)

**Rachel:** What did you just say?

**Chandler:** (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.

**Rachel:** No, no, no... the, um, the... 'love' part?

**Chandler:** (stuttering incoherently) F-hah... flennin...

**Rachel:** Oh... my God.

**Chandler:** (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no...

**Joey:** (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.

--

"Oh, Chandler…" Janice began.

"Hey, it did work out for the better…" Chandler told her.

"Well, not at 1st." Monica told Janice. "For one week Rachel was convinced it wouldn't work. And then, when she got to the airport she saw him with _Julie_.

"Who's Julie?" Janice asked.

"Well, my brother went to China for some 'bone thing' and remembered everything Chandler had said. To forget about her; blah, blah, blah. So, he met Julie and things were going really good. But then, Rachel met her…"

--

Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.

**Rachel:** Oh my god. Oh my god. (She decides to make a break for it.) Excuse me. Move! Move! Emergency! Excuse me! (She tries climbing over a bench and falls down.)

**Ross:** (seeing her) Rach!

**Rachel:** Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)

**Ross:** It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?

**Rachel:** What?

**Ross:** You're bleeding.

**Rachel:** I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. Come on. I wanna hear everything! Everything. (Looks at Julie)

**Ross:** Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is Rachel.

**Rachel:** These are, these aren't for you. (to Julie) These are for you. (Loudly, thinking she can't speak English.) Welcome to our country.

**Julie:** (Loudly, proving she can speak English.) Thank you. I'm from New York.

**Rachel:** Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.

--

"Oh, my God, she must've been just _devastated_!" Janice commented.

"She was… for a long time. But, Ross did make a decision. And of course, it was Rachel." Monica said.

"Oh, so things kicked up form there, eh?"

"No." Chandler said.

--

(Ross leaves.)

RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. (notices Chandler's computer screen) that's that?

CHAN: (nervous) What? Nothing.

(Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.)

RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?

CHAN: No, no, see? See? (the printer starts to run) Hey, it's printing. to Joey, rattled Hey, it's printing!

(Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.)

RACH: Well what is it? Let me see.

Ross walks back in, Rachel's coat in hand.

ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat?

RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.

ROSS: He won't? (remembers what it is) He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?

CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.

RACH: And I'm in it? Then let me read it.

CHAN, JOEY, ROSS: No!

RACH: Come on.

JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?

(Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.)

CHAN: (through gritted teeth) Alright. clears his throat "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."

ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.

RACH: All right, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it.

ROSS: No, you don't.

RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. (Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.)

RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this?

CHAN: Good luck.

(Chandler and Joey leave quickly.)

… --

ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.

RACH: She is not _Rachem_. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress.

(She goes into her apartment and slams the door.)

ROSS: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra--Rachel?

--

"He made a _list_!?" Janice asked.

"Again…Chandler's idea!" Monica told her.

"Chandler!"

"What?!"

…**to be continued.**

**a/n: **btw, thanks for all the reviews…they make me happy.


	5. Ross & Rachel Part II

**a/n:**** I know, it's been a really long time. I hope you enjoy this clip show!**  


The Beginning of a New Era: The Sequel

"Uh! There must've been something in the bathroom that made me get all nasal. AH! You hear that? Ah! AHHH!" Janice said after coming from the bathroom.

"I told you we should've ditched her." Monica whispered to Chandler.

"Anyway, we were at the part where Ross made a list." Janice inquired.

"Yeah, well, Ross tried to get Rachel's affection and trust back. But it didn't really work out…" Monica began.

---

ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?

PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.

ROSS: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?

CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.

ROSS[puts the message in the cupboard I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.

PHOEBE: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.

ROSS: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?

PHOEBE: Because she's your lobster.

CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.

PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .

ROSS: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been talking to her. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a geisha.

PHOEBE: I think she's OK.

ROSS[Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation Excuse me, are you Rachel?

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said you were pretty but wow.

RACHEL: What are you, what are you doin'?

ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell the grandkids.

MAN: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care.

ROSS: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. [man leaves You're welcome.

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: I was saving you.

RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?

ROSS: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . .

RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.

ROSS: But, you are.

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.

RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?

ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?

PHOEBE: Do the claws again.

ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what about us?

RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.

ROSS: No, but. . .

RACHEL: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You then fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.

ROSS: Well, but, but. . .

RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.

ROSS: E-except, except that what?

RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that.

ROSS: Oh. [To Phoebe I, uh, I gotta go…

---

"Her lobster!? That Phoebe really is one-of-a-kind." Janice said.

"Yeah…" Monica told her.

"But wait, it gets better. Monica's parents took all her old stuff from her room and sent it to her…along with a prom video."

---

_RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late._

_MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either._

_ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass._

_MRS. GELLER[to Ross on the stairs I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom._

_ROSS: Doubtful._

_MRS. GELLER: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son._

_MR. GELLER: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux._

_ROSS: Dad, she won't want to go with me._

_MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man._

_ROSS: I don't know._

_MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?_

_RACHEL: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is so harsh._

_ROSS: OK. Hold my board._

_MR. GELLER: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change_

ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.

ALL: No, no, no.

ROSS: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.

_MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go._

_MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome._

_MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em._

_ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable OK dad._

_MR. GELLER[going downstairs Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving_

_RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye._

_MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?_

_MR. GELLER: Press the button._

_MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack._

_MR. GELLER: The button, the button._

MONICA: I can't believe you did that.

ROSS: Yeah, well.

[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross

PHOEBE: See, he's her lobster.

---

"Wow. So, this is where it began to kick up?" Janice asked.

"No. See Ross cheated on…" Monica began.

"He cheated on Rachel!? If I would've known he was a cheater, I never would've gotten involved with him!" Janice said.

"How well it would've been for all of us…but no. He didn't cheat on her…they were technically on a break…" Chandler said.

"What!? So if they're on a break he can just sleep with whomever?" Monica asked.

"Is this really the thing to be talking about at the moment?" Chandler asked. "You see, Rachel had gotten this fantastic job. And it was keeping her real busy…with a co-worker named Mark. And that kept Ross really jealous."

---

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is eating the picnic as Rachel comes home from work.

**Ross:** Hey.

**Rachel:** Hi. Look um, about what happened earlier...

**Ross:** No, hey, well, I-I completely understand. You were, you were stressed.

**Rachel:** (throws her stuff down) I was gonna give you a chance to apologise to me.

**Ross:** For what? For letting you throw me out of your office?

**Rachel:** You had no **right** coming down to my office Ross. You do not bring a picnic basket to somebody's work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger!

**Ross:** Yeah, well excuse me for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary, boy what an ass am I.

**Rachel:** But I told you, I didn't have the time!

**Ross:** Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I don't feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Wh, Ross what do you want from me? You want me, you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend?

**Ross:** No, but it'd be nice if you realised, it's just a job!

**Rachel:****Just** a job!

**Ross:** Yes.

**Rachel:** Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that...

**Ross:** No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don't know what to do anymore.

**Rachel:** Well neither do I!

**Ross:** Is this about Mark?

**Rachel:** (shocked) Oh my God.

**Ross:** Okay, it's not, it's not.

**Rachel:** Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.

**Ross:** Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do.

**Rachel:** I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.

**Ross:** Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a break, (goes to the door) let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)

**Rachel:** No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.

(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)

**Chloe:** I want you to met some friends of mine. (Introduces him to Chandler and Joey) This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it blown up 400, we said we don't do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know what, we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say 'let's Ross it!'

**Chandler:** And that's the only colour that comes in.

**Issac:** Yo, Chloe, do you have a quarter for the condom machine?

**Chloe:** Oh! (storms off)

**Chandler:** So, what are you doing here? I thought tonight was your big anniversary dinner.

**Ross:** Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, we're gonna break-up instead.

(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)

[Scene: The Philly.

**Joey:** So what are you gonna do?

**Ross:** What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.

**Chandler:** Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.

**Ross:** Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to wait a while?

**Chandler:** Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!

(Ross goes to call her.)

**Chandler:** Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.

**Joey:** Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.

**Chandler:** Why? What happened to him?

**Joey:** Nothing, he's just really believes in that.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Mark is there, opening Chinese food boxes.

**Rachel:** Oh, and then, we got into this big, stupid fight. I just, it was awful. I told him he treats me like a park ranger, or something, oh and then I told him I wanted to take a break, I don't want to take a break.

**Mark:** Wow. I'm sorry. Eggroll?

**Rachel:** No. (grabs an eggroll) And then I called him, and he wasn't there.

**Mark:** Well, then he's, he's probably just, out.

**Rachel:** Oh, thank you that's very helpful, I'm glad you came over.

(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)

**Rachel:** Hello.

**Ross:** Hi! It's me.

**Rachel:** Hi! Oh, I'm so glad you called.

**Ross:** Really? I've been thinking, this is crazy, I mean don't, don't you think we can work on this?

**Mark:** Hey, what do you want to drink?

**Ross:** Who's that?

**Rachel:** Nobody.

**Mark:** Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?

(Rachel mouths 'Shoot!' or something similar.)

**Ross:** Is that Mark?

**Rachel:** Umm, honey, look he just came over to...

[Cut to The Philly.

**Ross:** Yeah! Got it! (slams the phone down, and walks back to the bar.)

**Chloe:** Hey, dinosaur guy, look at you, so sad. Come dance.

**Ross:** Ah, that's okay, thanks.

**Chloe:** Hey, you don't have to smile. You just have to dance.

**Ross:** Look, I don't feel like dancing, I feel like having a drink. Okay?

**Chloe:** Oh, okay. (to the bartender) Hey, two beers. (sits down next to him)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.

**Rachel:** (picks up the phone and calls Ross) Oh, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home, be home. Be home. Be home, be home, be home. Oh, you're not home.

[Scene: The Philly, Ross is dancing with Chloe.

**Chloe:** Still no smile?

(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's _With or Without You_ plays in the background.)

---

"Wow…that must've been so hard to deal with." Janice said.

"Almost as hard as dealing with you…" Chandler replied.

"Oh, ahahhhaaa! Chandler, you little funny-bug!" Janice said.

"Well later that year, they did hook up again, to break up the very next day. And then years later they had a child. Which was, in Monica's words a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom." Chandler said.

"Yeah, and just some years ago they got back together. It was very 'Action Movie' y'know: he chased her to the airport…"

**Phoebe**: (screaming) RACHEL!!

(Rachel comes back to the gate.)

**Rachel**: Oh my God... What.. What are you guys doing here?

**Phoebe**: Okay, you're on.

**Rachel**: What? What? Ross, you're scaring me. What's going on?

**Ross**: Okay, the thing is..

**Rachel**: Yeah?

**Ross**: Don't go.

**Rachel**: What?

**Ross**: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.

**Rachel**: Oh my God.

**Ross**: I know, I know. I shouldn't have waited 'till now to say it, but I'm.. That was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.

**Gate attendant #2**: Miss? Are you boarding the plane?

**Ross**: Hey, hey. I know you love me. I know you do.

**Gate attendant #2**: Miss?

**Rachel**: I - I have to get on the plane.

**Ross**: No, you don't.

**Rachel**: Yes, I do.

**Ross**: No, you don't.

**Rachel**: They're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

**Ross**: Rachel?

**Rachel**: I'm so sorry.

(She boards the plane.)

**Ross**: I really thought she'd stay.

**Phoebe**: I'm sorry.

(Phoebe hugs Ross.)

**Rachel**: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.

**Ross**: Oh my God!

**Rachel**: (on the answering machine) Excuse me?

**Air stewardess**: (on the answering machine) Miss? Please, sit down!

**Rachel**: (on the answering machine) I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love love them.

**Air stewardess**: (on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.

**Ross**: Let her off the plane!

**Air stewardess**: (on the answering machine) I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.

**Rachel**: (on the answering machine) Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!

**Ross**: Try to understand!

**Rachel**: (on the answering machine) Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off...

(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)

**Ross**: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?

**Rachel**: I got off the plane.

**Ross**: You got off the plane.

(He walks over and kisses her.)

**Rachel**: I do love you.

**Ross**: I love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.

**Rachel**: Okay. 'Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.

**Ross**: Me neither, okay? We are - we're done being stupid.

**Rachel**: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.

**Ross**: This is it. Unless we're on a break.

(Rachel gives him a look.)

**Ross**: Don't make jokes now.

(They kiss again.)

---

"And they've been together ever since." Monica said.

"Wow, what a roller coaster ride, huh?" Janice asked.

"Yeah, and that's it. Monica and myself should get going…" Chandler said.

"No! Wait, tell me about how you two got together!" Janice said.

"Well, we'd love to, but we have dinner reservations, so." Chandler said.

Just then the Maitre D' of the hotel restaurant came into the lobby and said, "Party of two: Bing?"

"Yes! Yes, that's us!" Monica yelled.

"It'll be about 30 more minutes."

"Son of a bitch!" Monica said.

"Make that an hour," the Maitre D' replied.

"So I guess you have sometime…" Janice said.

"Well, we have to do something." Monica said, then to Chandler: "We HAVE TO BE DOING SOMETHING! Why can't I think of anything?"

Chandler sighed and sat down, "It all started in London."

THE END.


	6. Lots of Sex & Lack of Sex

The Beginning of a New Era: The Sequel

**Lots of Sex & Lack of Sex**

**a/n: **Sorry if anyone was thinking I was going to do a story about Monica and Chandler getting together. I would've been fun, but I think it's time for original stories.

Monica and Chandler were sitting on the bed of their hotel room. They had just finished a conversation about Jack and Erica walking and talking all ready.

"And Jack just recently began using the potty…" Monica began.

"Mon, what did we use to talk about?" Chandler asked.

"Um. Um, hm? Oh! I know—no. I. Don't. Know." Monica responded. "But, let's try it now. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay." Monica looked at Chandler waiting for him to say something. Her eyes widened as she waited for him to begin to speak.

"Uhhh…" Chandler began. He squinted his eyes and had his mouth half open. "I, might be getting a board to thumbtack stuff to in my cubicle."

"The cubicle story again? I've heard this all ready." Monica said.

"Hey last week all I heard from you, was that you were getting rubber spatulas as the restaurant!" Chandler yelled.

_I'll be there for you…_

_When the rain starts to poor_

_I'll be there for you…_

_Like I've been there before_

_I'll be there for you…_

'_Cause you're there for me too._

**RACHEL & ROSS' APARTMENT**

Ross walked into his home. "Hey, sweetie," he said to Rachel.

"Hey! Doctor just called, my dad is up. And he's fine. Although, they put him on a very strict diet." She said.

"So basically, no more bacon and heavy cream?" Ross asked.

"Yup, that's the diet!" Rachel responded.

"So?" Ross asked.

"Yeah, 'so'. We're going to go visit him." Rachel said.

Ross began to whine.

"C'mon, Ross, we have to. Besides, it'll be fun. Okay, maybe not. But I'll show you some fun." Rachel said pushing him into the room.

**PHOEBE & MIKE**

Phoebe and Mike were at the coffee house sipping a cup of coffee each as Mike's cell phone began to go off. He dug into his pocket and took out his phone.

"Yikes!" Mike said as he ended the call.

"Who was that?" Phoebe asked.

"My ex." Mike said casually.

"Your ex!? You're still in contact with your ex-wife?" Phoebe asked.

"No, it wasn't my ex-wife."

"Precious?" Phoebe asked.

"No."

"Then who?"

"It was like my 20th girlfriend." Mike said.

"Your 20th girlfriend? Are you keeping count?" Phoebe said with a chuckle.

"Uh…" Mike said puzzled.

"What did she want?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know, sweetie. I didn't answer the call."

"Well, anyway. Wait a minute, was your 20th your last?" Phoebe asked.

"My last what?"

"Girlfriend!"

"Well, I got married. And then there was you, and then precious. So, about 23 girlfriends." Mike said.

"Wow, 23. That's about the same I've had. Boyfriends, that is." Phoebe said.

"So…we've both had 23 lovers. Cool." Mike said.

"Wait. I said I had 23 boyfriends, not lovers." Phoebe said with a smile.

"What?"

"Hell, I even slept with a four-person boy band!" Phoebe said laughing.

"So, how many have you had?" he asked.

**JOEY & GLADYS**

Joey walked into his home. There was Gladys sitting on the barcalounger.

"Where have you been?" She asked in a rough tone.

"I was out with the guys."

"What other guys do you know other than Ross and Chandler?" she asked.

"Some guys from DOOL!" Joey defended.

"You mean _Days of Our Lives_?" she corrected him.

"Look, I don't need this right now! Okay, take your claws off my back and let me breathe, woman!"

"I am not some 'woman'!" She said with air quotes. "I am your fiancée. We are engaged to be married."

"Yeah, and your spending a little bit of time engaging on being a pain in my ass!"

"Are you having an affair, Joey. Please, just tell me now."

"What? You know I would never do anything like that to you. I think – I think I need to spend the night with someone who trusts me." He walked out the door. And there was the Kassandra. The French 30-something girl that moved into Monica and Chandler's old apartment.

"I awoke from the screaming. Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. We just had our first real big fight." Joey told her.

"You want to, uh, come in for some juice or something?" she asked.

"Huh. Like you wouldn't believe." Joey said, following her into the apartment.

**PHOEBE & MIKE**

"And those are the amount of guys I slept with." Phoebe began. "And one girl too, Mary Ellen. If it makes you feel better, there was also a guy there!"

"So you've had THAT many lovers. And I've had 23. I feel like such a loser." Mike said.

"No. Don't look at it like that. Look at it like I'm a slut." Phoebe said.

"Huh? Yeah. You're a big slut. You're just a skanky whore and… I took it too far didn't I?"

"Yeah, a little bit."

Just then Monica and Chandler came walking into the Coffee House.

"Hey, Mon and Chandler. I thought you guys were going to spend a week in the Bahamas." Phoebe said.

"Yeah, well we met someone there." Monica said.

"Oh, who?" Phoebe asked.

"Ahahhhahahhha!" Chandler said.

"Oh, my God. Janice?" Phoebe laughed.

"Not only that. But…we realized… WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT." Chandler said.

"Yeah. We promised ourselves that we wouldn't be one of those couples that only talked about diaper genies. But, we are." Monica said.

"Well, here's a unsettling topic. How many sexual partners have you both had?" Mike asked.

THE END.


	7. Affection & Defection

The Beginning of a New Era: The Sequel

**Affection & Defection **

**a/n: To answer someone's question in the reviews, "Gladys" is a character I made up in **_**The Beginning of a New Era**_**. I think the story is going to end really soon. I am definitely not going to have 24 chapters. Well, here's chapter seven on **_**The Sequel**_

"Rachel. Do we really need to go to 'Family-Fun Night' at your dad's place?" Ross asked.

"Yes! We do it every year." Rachel said.

"Then how come I have _never_ heard of it before?" Ross asked.

"Well. The first time I moved to the city, I didn't want to go back. And then my parents split up, y'know. But…my mom and my dad have promised to behave this year." Rachel defended.

"Wait. They're both going to be there? Both of your separated parents? In one room?"

"Yes. They can be civil."

"Remember your birthday?"

"Look, Ross. We are going, and we are going to have fun. And you are going to be civil. Because – because."

"Because….?"

"Because damn it, I said so!"

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way…_

_**CLAP**_

_You're job's a joke, you're broke, you're love-life's DOA._

_It's like you're always stuck in second gear._

_When it hasn't been your day,_

_Your week,_

_Your month,_

_Or even your year…._

_But,_

_I'll be there for you…_

_When the rain starts to poor._

_I'll be there for you…_

_Like I've been there before._

_I'll be there for you…_

'_Cause you're there for me too._

**PREVIOUSLY WITH JOEY & GLADYS:**

Joey walked into his home. There was Gladys sitting on the barcalounger.

"Where have you been?" She asked in a rough tone.

"Look, I don't need this right now! Okay, take your claws off my back and let me breathe, woman!"

"Are you having an affair, Joey. Please, just tell me now."

"What? You know I would never do anything like that to you. I think – I think I need to spend the night with someone who trusts me." He walked out the door. And there was Kassandra. The French 30-something girl that moved into Monica and Chandler's old apartment.

"I awoke from the screaming. Are you okay?" she asked. "You want to, uh, come in for some juice or something?"

"Huh. Like you wouldn't believe." Joey said, following her into the apartment.

**PRESENTLY:**

"So then she asked me if I was having an affair, or something. And I just walked into the hall to get the hell out of there..." Joey was completing the story. Joey and Kassandra had finished drinking apple juice and had just begun eating butter pecan ice cream.

"I'm so sorry." Kassandra said.

"Yeah me too." Joey said. They just sat there eating the ice cream.

"Oh…" Kassandra gestured her hand towards Joey's face. "You've got some ice cream on your lip there." She took index finger and wiped it off and then put her finger in her mouth and licking it off. She leaned in closer to Joey until he can feel the heat of her body. She came in closer until their lips almost met.

"Y'know, Kassandra. I-I-I, uh, just can't. I'm engaged…and…I'm sorry." Joey stood up and left the apartment.

**ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT**

"You ready, Rach?" Ross asked.

"Yeah. You?" She responded.

"Rachel, I'll never be ready. Let's just get going." Ross joked.

**DR. GREENE'S HOUSE**

"Hey daddy," Rachel said as she entered her father's house. "How's everything…you feeling okay?"

"Hi sweetie. Yeah, I'm fine." He said as he grabbed her coat and put it on the coat-rack.

"Hey Dr. Greene." Ross said.

"Oh, Emma looks tired. I'm going to go lay her on my old bed. I'll be right back." Rachel said as she walked up the stairs.

"Rach! No, no. Rach. RACH!!!" Ross screamed after her.

"What's the matter, Ross? Huh, do I scare you a little bit wet-head?" Dr. Greene asked.

"No, no sir."

"Damn, Ross, if I would've known you were going to come with such greasy hair I wouldn't have used so much cooking oil."

_What does that even mean?_ Ross thought to himself, _it doesn't make sense._

"So, is Rachel knocked-up again?" he asked.

"Okay, sir, you're coming on a little strong. I think you should just calm down." Ross said.

"That's not a 'no.'"

"No. It's not. But, no." Ross said confidently.

"Good. 'Cause you made a promise that you were never going to have sex with my Rachel again." He said.

"What? When did I say that?!"

"My last heart attack. In the hall, when I walked in."

"Yeah, but that's back when we were not going out. And when we weren't married." Ross told him.

"I don't like you, Ross…" he was cut-off by Rachel walking down the stairs.

"Rach! Rachel, Rachel's here! Come here, Rachel." Ross was yelling at the top of his lungs.

**JOEY, PHOEBE, MONICA, & CHANDLER**

Monica, Chandler, and Joey were in Central Perk sipping coffee. Just then, Phoebe walked in and sat in the love seat.

"Hey," she greeted. "What's up?"

"Well, I spent the night at Monica and Chandler's." Joey said.

"Oh, why?" Phoebe asked with concern.

"Gladys and I had our first fight. It was horrible, you guys, and she thinks I'm cheating on her."

"Why would she think that?" Chandler asked.

"Well, I come home late a lot, lately. And this one time, I hung up the phone right when she came into the room. A girl called my phone and when she asked who it was I blew it off…then she later saw that it was a girl's name."

"…and she thinks you're cheating. She's crazy!" Monica said sarcastically.

"What, why?" Joey asked, confused.

"Sweetie, did you hear yourself. You come home late a lot, you lied to her about some calls, and you hung up the phone as soon as she entered the room." Monica told her.

"Oh, my God!" Joey said.

"Exactly." Chandler responded.

"No. The hanging up thing happened twice!"

"Joey…" Phoebe began.

"No. I only hung up twice because I'm planning a surprise party. That woman was my new agent, and I didn't want her to get all upset that it was a woman, because of the hanging up thing. And I'm only hanging out with the guys late at night." He said.

"_The Guys_, what other guys do you know other than me and Ross?" Chandler asked.

"Some guys from DOOL" Joey defended.

"You mean _Days of Our Lives_?" Phoebe asked.

"Again with the corrections!?" Joey said as he stormed out of the coffee house.

THE END.


	8. Thanking & Hating

The Beginning of a New Era: The Sequel

**Thanking & Hating**

**a/n: Well, the story is ending REALLY soon. There really aren't many stories left, and I want to move on to other stories that I should finish. The chapters will most likely get shorter and rushed. Sorry about that. But, here we go.**

"Okay. Here's the stuffing that wasn't stuffed into the turkey, and here's the cranberries, that _you_ made, honey." Monica was checking off the things that were all ready done for the Thanksgiving dinner. It was 3:30, and dinner would be ready to serve and eat by 4:00. "And the turkey should be done in about 20 minutes. Just about the time everyone should be getting here. I'm so excited…this is like the biggest Thanksgiving I'm hosting, ever!" Monica loved it when she could server a meal to loads of people.

"Like making people happy, huh?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, sure…of course." Monica lied, what she loved where the compliments she received after everyone was done eating. "Sweetie, could you call in Erica and Jack? They're in the backyard."

"Yeah, sure." Chandler said as he moved out of the chair and into the living room.

"I love Thanksgiving." She said to herself. Monica looked right, then left; checking to see if anyone was there. "Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy." She sang while rubbing her stomach and dancing to her own beat. "Phoebe's right, I do rock that one."

Five minutes passed and she realized that Chandler had not come with the kids. She started to get a little irritated, so she untied her apron and walked into the living room. _Uh, I love these walls_ she thought to herself. She made it passed the dining room and into the family room, out through the sliding doors.

"Chandler? Chandler!?" She beckoned.

"Over here, honey." Chandler responded. Monica walked towards the noise, to the jumble gym. And there was her husband, stuck inside of it.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Well, I was playing with Jack and Erica and I was going up to the slide and, well _this_ happened." He said, "I'm, not proud of it." He reassured her.

"Let me help you." She walked near him and pushed him a little. That didn't work. So then she tried removing one of the pillars of the jumble gym. And after three minutes of trying, it finally worked. Chandler was free, and he connected the pillar to the jumble gym.

"Thanks, honey." He told her.

"You're welcome, now let's get back inside. The turkey will be done in about ten minutes." Monica looked around for her children. "Where are they? Where are Jack and Erica?" She asked, frightened.

"Relax, Mon, they're probably in the house okay."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. Okay." She began walking briskly to the sliding doors. When she tried opening them, she realized that they were locked. "They're locked." She said to Chandler, who wasn't there. He was still back near the jumble gym. Monica turned around and realized she was talking to no one. She waited impatiently for Chandler.

"Hey. Aw, how sweet, you waited for me." Chandler said.

"I wasn't being sweet. The door's locked. How can the door be locked, it's a sliding door, it can only be locked from the in-. Oh, my God! Jack and Erica must be in there."

"How could they even have locked the door?" Chandler asked.

Monica looked inside, "There's a tower of books near the lock. They must've made it and climbed it." Monica inquired.

"Damn! We've got some smart kids."

"Chandler, that's not what we should be thinking about right now. The kids are locked inside, while we're outside, the stove is on, and there's a turkey that must come out of the oven in exactly fifteen minutes! That has to feed ten people in fifteen minutes! FIFTEEN MINUTES!"

"Are you upset that the kids are in there or that your dinner might get burnt?" Chandler asked.

"The kids?" Monica said.

"Look, everyone should be here in a few minutes, and Ross and Rachel have a spare key. Everything will be fine.

"Oh, yeah, right. When's the last time anyone came to dinner on time!?" Monica asked.

"Well…" just then they heard a car pulling into the driveway. "They're here! You see, I told you." Chandler said while walking alongside the house towards the driveway.

They looked closely. "That's my parents. Great, I get to hear my mom tell me that I'm a bad mother, and I can't cook dinner. And usually, they're ten minutes late. Every Thanksgiving, I have ten minutes of Nirvana before getting pulled into hell!" Monica complained.

"Well, we have to go over there. So…"

"No. Let them knock…and no one answer. Then that way, they'll leave."

"They wouldn't leave. If anything Jack and Erica will answer, or they'll come through the back looking for us." Chandler said.

"Wait! Let's try knocking. Maybe they will answer. Go greet them, and tell them nothing! I'm going to go see if Jack or Erica will open the door." Monica said as she went running to the backyard.

Chandler walked over to his in-laws. _Another one of Monica's stupid "things"_ he thought to himself. "Hey Mr. and Mrs. Geller. Nice to see you." He greeted.

"Nice to see you too, Chandler." Judy said. She started to walk towards the door. Chandler walked right in front of her.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"Well, I was thinking of going inside." She told him. "It's not that strange an idea."

"Well, yeah, but I was thinking…and go along with me here…that we go to the back, and give you a backyard tour…maybe take about, I don't know, thirteen minutes…and then go inside."

"Oh, c'mon Judy. It looks like he took sometime to come up with this tour." Jack said in his humble tone. "Let's go Chandler." He said. Chandler walked alongside the house into the backyard.

"Just go back there near that playground-thing, and I'll be there in a few minutes." He waited for them to get there, and then checked with Monica. "Hey Mon, what happened?" he asked.

"Well, they're definitely in there. They came down from upstairs and looked at me, laughed, and ran back upstairs. Anyway, what did you tell my parents?"

"That I want to give them a tour of the backyard." He said.

"The backyard is a big square with a tree, five bushes, and a jumble gym. That's all you could think of?"

"Well, I'm sorry. I couldn't think of anything else, besides 'I don't want you in my house' when they asked me why they couldn't come in!"

"Go. Go! They must be waiting." Monica said. She watched Chandler walk over to her parents and point at one of the bushes. _Another one of Chandler's stupid "things"_ she thought to herself. Once again, she heard a car pull into the driveway. She prayed that it was Ross and Rachel, so she ran to the front of the house. Thankfully, it was! "Oh! Thank you!" She checked her watch. "You guys are ten minutes early, thank God."

"Why?" Ross asked.

"Erica and Jack locked me and Chandler out. We need your spare key…to get us in." Monica explained.

"Well, Mon, we don't have your keys." Rachel told her.

"No. You _have_ to have the keys." Monica tried to convince her.

"We don't have _the keys_. Why don't you have the keys?"

"Why should I have the keys?"

"It's your house!" Rachel yelled.

"Okay, stop saying 'keys'. No on say _keys_." Ross told them. "And Rachel's right, remember when Joey got all upset because you didn't give him a key. You two told us to give ours to him."

"I wouldn't say something like that. Oh, my God, Chandler!" Monica yelled Chandler's name so loud he came running to the front.

"What?" he asked Monica.

"Why would you tell Rachel and Ross to give their spare key to Joey? Remember when he cleaned up that mess with the guest towels?" Monica asked.

"I didn't say give him _your_ spare key, I said give him _a_ spare key." Chandler told Monica, then glanced to Rachel.

"What I understood on the phone was give him _the_ spare key." Rachel admitted.

"No. I wanted you to make a copy and give it to him." Chandler explained.

"Great. I have about eight and half minutes to get into my home, and I have to depend on Joey!? Oh, God." Monica moaned and sighed.

"Ross? Ross? Is that you?" a familiar voice came from far away.

"Mom? Hey." He said as she came up to him and hugged him.

"Hello." Monica said, since her parents had not greeted her.

"Monica…I'm saying hello to your brother." Judy scorned. Monica gestured her hands in a _what?_ sort-of-way.

"So, Mom, _you're here_." Ross looked at Monica and mouthed the words: "Does she know yet?"

Monica shook her head _no_.

"So, mom, what's, uh, up?" he asked, trying to stall time.

"Well, Chandler has been giving us a tour of the backyard." She said in a pathetic tone.

A loud chuckle came out of Rachel. She looked at everyone and turned around walking towards the car. Monica walked to Rachel, there was a fair distance from everyone else, and so they couldn't hear their conversation.

"Hey, maybe if Jack and Erica see Emma, they'll open the door." Monica told Rachel.

"You think? Do they like her that much?" Rachel asked.

"Well, it's time to find out." Monica told her while pulling her into the backyard.

"Monica, I can't believe you're using my baby." She told her.

"You're the one that signed her up for a baby beauty pageant, which by the way, is the most atrocious thing I've ever heard of. Although, for a thousand bucks, I'd probably do it too." Monica admitted.

They finally reached the backyard. "Okay, here's to hoping." Rachel said.

"Oh, hey Rachel." Jack said behind them.

"Dad? Dad. Hi, Mom has apple pie in the front." Monica lied to him to get him out of there.

"Ooh! Pie? I'm gonna go." Jack said running briskly to the front.

Monica knocked on the door waiting for Erica and Jack. Nothing. She did it again. Nothing. "Apparently, we'll never find out. Look, Rach, you keep trying and I'm going to check with Chandler." Monica said. She walked to the front seeing that Joey just arrived. Ross was having a conversation with Jack and Judy, so she pulled Chandler and Joey aside. "Joey, give us the spare key."

"I don't have it." Joey told her.

"Why? Why don't you have it?" Chandler asked.

"I lost it at the park." Joey said.

"First my tools, then my key. I don't get it, Joey!" Monica told him.

"I'm sorry, Monica." Joey told her.

"Quite frankly, that doesn't cut it. I have five minutes. That's FIVE. Five to get into my house, with a turkey that could burn, and my kids inside that won't open the door, and could get seriously hurt." Monica was going insane. "Joey, this is why we didn't give you a key."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Joey said.

"Depending on the situation, I'd say it is." Monica told him. Just then she saw a yellow cab, with a blonde driving it. "Oh, here comes Phoebe."

Phoebe walked up to Monica, Chandler, and Joey, with her husband Mike and a stroller with her twins. "Why's everyone hanging outside?"

"We were locked out of our house by our kids, and the turkey should be done any minute now." Chandler explained.

"Why don't you just break the glass from the backdoor?" Phoebe asked.

"Because my parents don't know yet, and Chandler and I don't have the money to fix it." Monica explained.

"I can loan you the money!" Joey said.

"Really!?" Monica asked, excited.

"Just kidding!" Joey said. "Sorry, it sounded funnier in my head."

"Are one of the top windows open?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh! The bathroom one!" Chandler said.

"Okay. Go get your ladder and I'll climb in there." Phoebe said enthusiastically.

"We don't have a ladder." Monica told her.

"Okay. Do you know anyone around here that does?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Then ask one of them."

"No one around here likes us." She admitted.

"Excuse me? No one around here likes _you_. Get it right, honey." Chandler told her. Monica rolled her eyes.

"Wait, Joey, that day where Chandler's key broke in the knob, you knocked the door down." Monica told him.

"Oh, yeah, give me your screwdriver!" he told her.

"We can't, you left Monica's tools at the park!" Chandler refreshed his memory.

"It wouldn't have mattered anyway; I don't want my parents to know." Monica told everyone.

"Maybe it's time, Monica." Chandler told her.

"All right! All right, I'll tell her." Monica told him. She then walked away to her parents and Ross.

"Man, you guys should have a spare key under the welcome mat or something." Joey told Chandler.

Phoebe went walking to the side of the house where the bathroom is, along with Mike. "I think I can climb this fence looking thing." She said.

"Wanna try it?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Give me a boost." Phoebe demaded, "Oh wait! Tell Monica not to tell her mom." Mike left, and Phoebe began climbing.

"Monica!" Mike said running over to her.

"Mom. I, need to tell you something. Jack and Erica locked me and Chandler out of the house, and the turkey will be done anytime soon…it could get burnt." Monica forced the words out of her.

"No!" Mike said bumping into Monica. "No, Monica's lying. She likes to do that, y'know. _Gotcha!_-kinda lying."

"Yeah, and you also lied about your mother having pie." Jack told her.

Mike pulled Monica away and to where Phoebe was climbing.

"Phoebe, what the hell are you doing? Get down here!" Phoebe was almost half way there.

"Why? I'm halfway there. This way, you don't have to tell your parents. I'll just come down and unlock the door." Phoebe explained.

"Monica, where's my little granddaughter and grandson?" Judy said as she walked to where Monica, Mike, and Phoebe were. "Phoebe? What's going on?"

"Well, I-I?" Phoebe was thinking of a good excuse. "I wanted to know which way the wind was blowing…what, don't you do this when you want to know?" Phoebe said with an eyebrow raised.

Just then, Ross, Chandler, and Joey came running to them. "No! Judy!" they said in unison, except for Ross whom said "MOM!"

"Look." Monica began, "Mom. What I said before, was all true. Jack and Erica are in there, the turkey, everything."

"I figured something like this would happen. That's why in the last Thanksgiving I switched the spare key to Ross' apartment with Joey's spare key for your house." She said.

"You knew something like this would happen? You planned for me to make a mistake?" Monica asked incredulously.

"Sweetie, this was just in case you _pulled a Monica_." She explained.

"I cannot believe you. It's like Ugh!" Monica screamed.

"What's wrong with you?" Judy asked.

"Okay, okay. It's like you're a child. And you do something wrong. And then, I hit you, and tell you that it's not okay and that you did something bad. Then, you do it again. So I spank you, and then I punish you, and I take away a good toy of yours. But you don't learn, because you do it again. And then I begin to think there's something wrong with you…and I just cannot take it anymore." Monica told her.

"Monica," Judy said walking closer to her and holding her hand. "That was a terrible analogy."

"Hey, Pheebs!" Rachel said sticking her head out from the bathroom. "What are you doing?"

"Rachel?" Phoebe asked.

"Rachel!?" Monica asked. "What the hell?"

"Well, it turns out that they do like Emma. Yeah, they're playing with her right now." Rachel said.

"Why didn't you come out and tell me?" Monica asked.

"Well, I went to check if everything was okay?"

"Is it?" Monica asked.

"Yeah!" Rachel told her. Then, there was about a ten second silence. "Would you like me to open the door?"

"IT WOULDN'T HURT!" Monica yelled.

"Wow," Ross said getting closer to her. "And to think if she would have just stuck her head out like two minutes earlier, you wouldn't have had to tell Mom." He chuckled.

_BRIGHT KAUFFMAN CRANE PRODUCTIONS_

THE END.


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